As I sit here in bed knowing that I need to get some rest because I have an early and long day tomorrow followed by a long week of packing and moving on top of it all, I have a million things running through my mind. I often wonder if everyone goes through that period where they want to be someone different and try different things but then doesn't know exactly how to do it or handle it.
I am in a transition period. I have mostly married friends who have their own lives and are living them. Don't get me wrong, being married is not something that I would like to do right now or even next year, but sometimes I feel like maybe something is wrong with me. Why does everyone else have this milestone crossed off their list at such a young age? Am I crazy to not necessarily want that NOW?
See, here in the south, it seems like its more acceptable to be married at a young age and have kids not long after. I have friends who got married when they were barely 20 and while there is nothing wrong with that, I can't help but feel anxiously weird about it. I am well past 20, so there's no need to worry about that happening, but still. I feel like at 23 almost 24, I have missed out on so much that I have wanted to do in the past because of stupid inhibitions of my own. Do people who get married at that age not feel like they have missed out on things too? I feel like I am the crazy one.
I had gotten really scared lately that I would never get out of this town and I would live here forever and that is not something I wanted. I am finally moving, but I feel apprehensive about it. I just sometimes feel like I don't really have a place per se. Like I haven't figured out who I am exactly yet and all my friends seem to know who they are and where they are going. I feel out of the loop for so many reasons.
I am excited to move in a few short days and not replace my friends with new ones, but meet new people and learn new things. I want to get out of my comfort zone and do things I wouldn't normally do. I want to go places and branch out and live for a while before I settle down. I am 23 years old for crying out loud.
I remember telling my mom in the many talks we had before she passed away that I wanted to be independent and support myself on my own before I got married just to prove that I could do it. I have always been an independent person who likes to do things for herself on her own time. I want to just show myself that I don't need anyone else to rely on, more specific, a man.
That being said, I can't wait to settle down one day in the distant future. And God might have a different plan for me, but for now, I think I am going to live and do me for a while. If anything else is meant to happen it will. Change is not something I usually embrace, but this time I am. I am going to do it. I am taking a leap of faith and moving out of this town almost 2 hours from home to delve into life and figure out who I am.
If you made it this far, please tell me I am not crazy. Right?
You're not alone at all. I think about that all the time, but I'm 25! Or 25, in 3 weeks. All of my friends are married, and have kids. I feel so behind...hopefully it will be worth the wait in the end when we're with a wonderful man!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. The same.exact.way. That apprehension? Totally normal! I felt it BAD before I moved from VA to SC. Now? I'd do it a million more times. Everything will be okay. Promise! :) You can always move back some day if you're happy moving to where you are. Do what makes you happy even if it scares you.
ReplyDeleteYou are not crazy. I got married at 29 when all my friends had been married for years. I still have no kids while they all have 4 or 5. BUT, I lived independently for many years and now I know that should anything ever happen, I can and will succeed on my own. I think it's a very wise decision for a young person to not settle down too fast. We need time to live and experience the world while coming into our own. Good luck on your move. We need to catch up. I have no idea what's going on!
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