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Lately, I have been struggling to find myself. Since graduating in May, so much has happened to me and around me. I have ended a chapter of my life and started another, and my close network of friends seems to be displaced all over the state of Georgia. I graduated, got a job, bought a car, lost some friends to their respective new chapters and haven't had a margarita since who knows when! I know that we all have our own paths to follow in life, but without them all being around me the last few months has been hard. Maybe its selfish of me to think that. I think that in a way in kind of is. I think that my own lack of identity lately makes me want them all the come back and have things back to the way they were a few months ago.

Deep down I know that I need to find myself in this big 'ole world even if that sounds cliche. I know that I have big dreams, but I get impatient waiting for things to fall into place when I see everyone else out there doing what they want and love. I want things to happen now and when they don't I want to make them happen. I have learned that it just doesn't happen like that. God lets things happen in his time and I just need to trust that His plan is ultimately greater than mine and all I have to do is trust his timing for me and my life. Easier said than done!!

As long as I can remember, I have said that I couldn't wait to get out of this small town in Georgia and move to the city where there are always things to do and the possibilities are endless. There is never a dull moment, there are new people and places to discover and gosh knows there are always places to shop. Good places. People know too much about you in a small town. Sometimes that good and sometimes thats bad. I myself am a private person, so for me , I could do without that part. I just have a desire to be on my own and start over fresh. Meet new people, try new things and learn new things about myself. I still have that dream and I can't wait for it to come. I would move tomorrow if given the opportunity. I would be scared, but I would take that leap of faith and strike out on my own to see what life had planned for me. 

Sometimes I feel like this small town is just a hole that people get stuck in. I think that its perfect for some people but you either love it or you don't. I don't love it right now. I might get the H out of dodge and then hate it and come back and that's ok too. I know that I have that option always if I feel like I need to come home.

The one thing that is always comforting to me when I think about leaving my small town life and comfort zone that I am so used to, is the fact that I can come back to this place whenever I want and I can expect things to be the same. We can always go back home no matter what. I have been told that since I was a little girl. Home is the one place that we can find comfort no matter how old we get or how tough life is. I just need to do it and not be afraid. I need to take the plunge and find solace in knowing that I can come back if things don't go as planned.

I stumbled across a blog today and its a girl who is from the same town I am from. She had posted a song by Carrie Underwood called "Thank God for Hometowns" and it hit me at the right time. I have been so restless and anxious and ready to get out of here and never look back. When I heard this song, I realized that no matter where I end up, even if its just an hour away, I can always come back to my hometown and find myself again. I can't not come back. Both of my parents are buried here, my family lives here and I have so many memories growing up here. I would never just leave and not look back. I don't think that anyone could.

Thank God for hometowns
And all the love that makes you go round
Thank God for the country lines that welcome you back in
When you were dying to get out
Thank God for Church pews
And all the faces that won’t forget you
Cause when you’re lost in this crazy world
You got somewhere to go and get found
Thank God for hometowns
Yeah

 Thank God for hometowns
First kisses and touchdowns
Thank God for the county lines that welcome you back in
When you were dying to get out
Thank God for Church pews
And all the faces that won’t forget you
And when you’re lost in this crazy world
You got somewhere to go and get found
Thank God for hometowns
Yeah

We all have a hometown, no matter how far away we might be from it. And we know that we can always go home and remember a different time whether or not we choose to go back. The memories and the people who love us are always there. That makes me feel better about moving away. If I fail, I know I have a place and people to come back to no matter what. 

And check out this song. It's great! And Carrie is the perfect person to sing it. She is the epitome of a small town girl and she sings it with such conviction!